Supposedly, we are rational beings with a pretty good overview of life’s ups and downs… so how come all we’re taught to prepare for is the day we find ‘The One’ but not what to do the day we fall out of love with that same ‘One’?
It’s really kinda funny when you think about it. It’s not even statistically probably that we will stay in love for more than two years… three years max – hormones make sure of that!
By now, most people are aware that one of the biggest dilemmas in relationships is expecting the other person to change. Typically, in a straight relationship, it is the woman expecting the man to change to please her and prove that he loves her.
And by now, most people have realised that it doesn’t work this way… yet so many people waste so much energy trying to achieve the impossible.
These four attitude adjustments will help you get over the idea that you are somehow responsible for changing your man, version 1.o into the new and improved MAN 2.0:
*** Realise that nobody is perfect. You’re not, so how come you expect him to be?
*** What a grown man hasn’t learned by the time he is 18, he may or may not learn later on but it is not very likely he will take his cue from you. Sorry!
*** Understand that relying on a man as your main source of happiness will not bring you joy. If you cannot make yourself happy, you will end up making both of you miserable. Because to a man, your happiness is proof that he is ‘da man’ (whether or not he is actually responsible for it).
*** The more positivity you put into the relationship, the more you get coming back. Whinging, bitching and nagging are not positive, in case you were wondering. Praise, gratitude and a laid back ‘fuck it’ attitude are.
Here are ten typical scenarios when the person trying too hard to force change would be better off just going ‘Fuck It.’
- He wants to watch sports. Points for going ‘fuck it’ and letting him – bonus points for watching with him and learning the rules of the game.
- He hasn’t changed his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ after the third date. If this is really important to you, you should seriously consider deleting your own Facebook account – it’s just not healthy to give a flying fuck about this. Go ‘fuck it’ to all aspects of social networking relationship drama – It’s only part of your life if you let it!
- Men are visual creatures. If you let yourself go, you deprive your man of one of the main reasons for him to want to be with you in the first place. Sound shallow? Maybe. But at least be honest with yourself… Even we women have certain standards when it comes to looks. Comb-over anyone? Didn’t think so! So go ‘fuck it’ and treat yourself to a new lippy and some lingerie – it won’t kill you.
- Don’t think he deserves praise for taking the rubbish out? Want him to do it again? Then you had better go ‘fuck it’ inwardly and praise him. It really isn’t very different to training a puppy. Remember that and smile
- Feel a need to nag when he brings you home the wrong brand of laundry detergent from the grocery store? Again, go ‘fuck it’ inwardly, smile and
thankpraise him for remembering to get you the laundry detergent.
- Saying ‘You never buy me flowers’ in a whiny voice is not incentive for a man to start buying his woman flowers (it is incentive to start looking around for a new girlfriend). Go ‘fuck it’ and buy those flowers for yourself instead… or buy some for him!
- Think you’re his teacher? Think again! This is never going to work. Whatever it is you feel is lacking in his education, please avoid the temptation to correct him or fill him in about what’s what. Unsolicited advice is never welcome and male pride makes it doubly so. If he wants to know, he will ask – 100 times out of 100. Every time you think you know better, just quietly repeat the ‘fuck it’ mantra.
- You haven’t had sex for a couple of weeks and the only thing you really fancy doing after a long hard day at work is vegging out on the sofa in front of the telly. Go ‘fuck it,’ have a nice scented bath and slip into some sexy lingerie. You might even surprise yourself about how great this feels instead of wasting yet another night watching crap TV.
- Go ‘fuck it’ to any and all expectations of your man’s ability to mind-read. Unless you’re married to a telepath, expecting this of your man is a complete waste of time and one of the most damaging expectations you can have. Spell it out.
- Every time the thought ‘If he really loved me, he would (…)’ you can say ‘fuck it’ and shoo the thought away. He’s with you, heck he even occasionally remembers to take the rubbish out – he clearly loves you!
- Feel tempted to go through his email or phone messages? Definitely go ‘fuck it’ and leave his private correspondence alone! Going down this path is a slippery slope. If you seriously feel this is necessary there is only one viable solution: Leave! This relationship will never work because trust is the cornerstone of all relationships.
“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.”
― Marianne Williamson
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A lot of guys would scratch their heads with a da f*ck look on their faces if they knew how often I get asked this and how desperate many women in their 40′s and beyond are to get hitched even after a couple of failed marriages.
“Surely, once you’ve (reluctantly) tried it and failed,” thinks the bloke, “you’d just want to have fun after that for the rest of your life… right??”
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