Have you ever started a relationship with someone that you connected with at a very deep level almost instantly? You meet a few times, have a few laughs and then slowly the misunderstandings start creeping in. In spite of the deep connection, you realise that your communication styles are very different from each other, and perhaps that your expectations also differ quite a lot.
To the person most in tune with his or her feelings and most transparent in his or her communication, it is easy to feel as if a deep emotional connection should lead to deep communication. Generally speaking, the expectation is that the more emotionally attuned person would be female but I have been doing relationship readings for long enough to know that this is not always the case – we could have a woman acting more as the Knight of Swords and a man as the Queen of Cups, for instance.
If you have experienced frustration in communicating with someone who doesn’t seem to ‘get’ you or if there has been a complete break-down due to your different communication styles, the Tarot can help you make head or tales of where and why the glitch occurred.
With any form of miscommunication, the ego is quick to portion out blame, so in addition to looking at how each person communicates as well as what their expectation of the process communication is, we can also use the Tarot to look at how each person deals with the effects of miscommunication. Ideally, you should be able to do this together with your partner but realising that this is not always possible, please feel free to look at the dynamic you have created together on your own. Any insight into your current dynamic will help future relationships if nothing else.
1. Mode of communication in an emotionally intimate relationship for person one – The World (Saturn). This person is very confident in her communication skills. The drawback is that her style of communication can impose limitations on the self-expression or the other person due to the Saturnian influence if he is not as confident.
2. Mode of communication in an emotionally intimate relationship for person two – The Emperor (Aries). It looks like we may have a double whammy of two people who like to boss each other around here. He has picked up his communication model from his father or past generations of patriarchs and uses communication to delegate responsibility rather than express empathy and compassion.
3. Expectation of what dialogue should bring in the relationship for person one – 8 of Cups (Saturn in Pisces). A process of transformation and moving on to higher ground together. No shortcuts allowed! Again, Saturn shows up, telling me that she could do with lightening up a bit when it comes to expectations on her partner.
4. Expectation of what dialogue should bring in the relationship for person two - 7 of Cups (Venus in Scorpio). A sign that past relationships experiences has lead this man to not trust the process of communication. He feels it often leads to greater confusion and thus is less than helpful in moving things forward.
5. Reaction to miscommunication (person 1) – The Hierophant (Taurus). This stubborn Taurean energy indicates that she digs her heels in and insists on going deeper, forcing her partner along for the ride… perhaps forgetting that you cannot force a person to open up.
6. Reaction to miscommunication (person 2) – 7 of Wands (Mars in Leo). A belligerent response is to be expected from this proud man.
Both people seem to have a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude which makes it difficult to reach compromise. They are mirroring pride in each other. Hence it is no surprise that the dynamic created, reflected by cards 7/8 is represented by the 3 of Swords (Saturn in Libra) – State of the relationship, crossed by the Page/Princess of Swords (Venus in the Air Signs) as the challenge.
9. The advice for person one – King of Swords (Fire of Air). She needs to detach and adopt a breezier and more objective style of communication which incorporates the curiousity and open-mindedness of the Princess of Swords at her best.
10. The advice for person two - 9 of Swords (Mars in Gemini). He needs to overcome his fears and anxieties which lead to ostrich style conflict avoidance. At some point he will have to learn conflict resolution in intimate relationships through dialogue even if past experience has proved this futile.