Relationship Advice

How to Argue with Your Lover

Arguments may be relationship killers but they cannot be avoided all together, so it is best to have a strategy for how to do it.  Ideally, both people should have the same strategy but even if that is not possible, you may find that implementing the steps below, will help calm and heal many situations that would otherwise get out of hand.

Pick your battles. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff. Arguing about small stuff is perceived as nagging and someone who is perceived as a nagger doesn’t get listened about the big stuff either.

Remind yourself that you love the person in front of you. In order to speak from a place of love (yes, it is possible even when you are angry!), you can try placing your hand over your heart before you start speaking.

Use your breath to calm yourself before you speak. Take a minute to ground and centre if notice that your breath is shallow. Breathe in and out through your nose, slowing and deepening your breath. Observing the spaces between the in and out breaths will bring your energy right back into your body. ADVANCED BREATHING TECHNIQUE: Breathe pink light in through your heart chakra. Allow this light to flush any anger and toxicity out of your system through your feet and into the core of the earth to be transformed by Mother Nature.

If you find it difficult to speak your truth when you are emotionally upset, it helps to openly admit it. Being open and honest naturally centres you, whereas trying to ‘keep it together’ because you want to be perceived as strong and confident may backfire. ‘Keeping it together’ is counter productive in terms of opening up to understanding your lover as well…

Prioritise understanding why your lover is acting the way he/she is or why he/she is upset. Listening may be difficult when you feel like shouting but it’s the only way to get to a resolution. Making your partner feel truly listened to by reflecting back what they.

It is equally important to make yourself understood. You’ll be amazed how much easier this will be once you have listened actively to your lover. Avoid wording that makes your lover defensive, especially ‘always‘ and ‘never.’ Also avoid blame and dragging up the past as much as possible. Deal only with the issue at hand and you might just have a chance of resolving it.

Sorry may be the hardest word but it’s also the most powerful healing word when you are arguing with your lover. Use it as soon as you know you need to. The powerful words of the Ho’oponopono prayer can be used between lovers as well:

I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

Laugh it off! If you can make your lover laugh, you’ll make the problem go away! How? It shifts the perspective – especially if you are indeed sweating the small stuff… and let’s face it – most arguments are over small stuff.

 Lisa Frideborg


6 replies »

  1. Great advice! Does it make me weird that I never argue with my boyfriend, really? Actually I’ve never really argued with any of them. I discuss, but I don’t fight. Just not into it, I guess. Doesn’t seem productive. :)

  2. great post! I’ve been working hard at trying to express my feelings as just my feelings, and really trying to strip it of any blaming qualities, the old “when you did this i felt — bad, sad, mad, glad” but its crazy how hard that is! even saying something like i feel disappointed, confused … basically if you can change the word into a verb and the verb is something your partner can do to you, its still blaming … and they will still feel defensive! and re-act from a defensive feeling…

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, feedback and questions. Please note that, while I'm happy to answer questions about individual cards, I don't interpret spreads. I get several requests every day about interpreting DIY readings based on my spreads. Even if I had the time, I don’t think it would be a wise investment of my time to ‘read on readings’ – A reading is done in synergy between the cards, the question and the reader… in the MOMENT.

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