Following yesterday’s post about the reversed Knights and Kings called 8 Types of W*nkers, it is only fair that we do a post on the reversed Queens too.
You may think it’s unfair of me to only write about four different types of bitches when I’ve listed a whopping eight types of wankers… but then life isn’t fair and I don’t necessarily feel the need to explain myself.
Feel free to guess which of the four Queens would have stated that ;)
The Reversed Queen of Wands. The ultimate drama queen. No show can go on without her and she will be centre stage. Upstage her at your own peril!
In a relationship, you become her accessory if you are good looking (but not too good looking!) or her bank manager if you are rich. Either way, you play a role to make her star shine brighter. Forget about equality and for chrissake sake don’t embarrass her by not getting your teeth bleached!
She learns only from the best and you can expect an autobiography by someone famous for being famous on her bedside table.
The Reversed Queen of Cups. Look up the word manipulative in the dictionary and you might find a picture of this Queen under it. She loves to use guilt-inducing tears to get a reaction.
She’s a psychic vampire and usually suffers from addiction to both love and substances. Although she does drama quite well, fame is not as important to the Queen of Cups as it is to the Queen of Wands – she’s happy to have her claws in just one person.
You just as often find her in the role of victim as vampire, as she relishes any role which requires fully functioning tear ducts.
The Reversed Queen of Swords. Yes, all Queens are drama queens and this one does it with her tongue. She can emasculate you in under 2 seconds. Her sharp words are more often than not accompanied by a steely stare.
If there is anything at all not 100% right with you, she will find it and point it out to you. Also, in an argument she is always right – especially when she is wrong.
Many men end up emigrating after breaking up with this Queen. Sorry guys, but you can’t get away from her! This is one of the most common types of Queens and one of the reasons men. just. stop. talking.
The Reversed Queen of Pentacles. The slob of the Queens. She has let herself go and her children’s nappies are overflowing. Perhaps you vaguely remember that meal she cooked for you in 2010? Ah well, you’re used to microwaved TV dinners by now.
Forget about personal comfort and happiness and instead make sure that your kids won’t have to have their teeth pulled before they turn three because your wife couldn’t bother brushing them. So what if you’re tired after your 12 hour day at work? Her back hurts when she gets up from the sofa!
What energises her the most? Whinging about how you don’t find her attractive any more – still in her dressing gown when you get back home from a hard day’s work.